Lessons from my children

Lessons from my children.

I always like it when my children teach me lessons that I probably won’t learn any other way. This latest lesson I am entitling ‘how to have a good life without a university education’. It will take a while for the lesson to be fully taught since they have only recently begun their process of life after high school so I will have to wait for some years to see how it all comes out.

Both my children are now university drop –outs and I am doing my best to look at it as a lesson in the making and not as the horrifying, end-of-the-world mistake that my own upbringing wants me to think of it as. My son, now 24, spent about 2 years at a university in the US where he lives and then finally gave it up. Throughout that time I watched him struggle with it and my heart went out to him. It was difficult for me being so far away from him and therefore not being able to have the influence I wanted to have on him. Perhaps that was a good thing- he got to learn his own lessons and make his own decision. One thing I was sure of, he was not in a field of study that suited him. I could see the mis-match. He is now training to be an electrician and so far he is contented and totally committed to it.

My daughter, now 17, on finishing high school this year, was not keen on returning for the Advanced level studies. I was okay with that decision. That much I was at peace with in my mind, she was not interested in the regular academic career pursuits such as medicine, law, etc. She has demonstrated excellent artistic abilities since she was 4 and we have supported her to develop that. So it was only natural that she follows that path. I encouraged her to sign up for a certificate programme in visual arts at our university. After much trouble to get her accepted and less than one month of attending the course, she literally cried and begged every day to drop out. It was not what she expected, nor wanted to do nor enjoyed. I had to give in. She wants very badly to be an Interior Designer. Ok. That I could learn to live with. The only lecture I allowed myself to give to her was a brief one…”I am only concerned that you have the skills that you will need to provide adequately for yourself for the rest of your life and that you are able to have a career that makes you happy.” But I did have to throw in a bit of mommy-ism..” I don’t want you to have to go through what I went through and take as long as I did to finally find financial and other security”.

Now I must work on what it is like to be a mother with a Ph.D in Education, teaching teachers up to post –graduate level, who is totally committed to supporting teachers and believes in education, to have not one, but both children be university drop-outs. Many times I will have to control my thoughts and my tongue and watch them manoeuvre their way through life, and trust that there is life without a university degree. I have to trust both that they will figure out how to create a life that is fulfilling to them, (as opposed to me), and that the world will be good enough to them to support their dreams and visions.

This is perhaps just another aspect of parenting, where we have to teach them well, build the foundation and then let them fly out into the world and make their own way. All the while we sit back at home, pray for their safety, trust in their good sense and welcome them back home every time they flit in for some “mommy-ing”.
I will follow this one closely and curiously. I hope I can be always available to give good guidance when it is needed and asked for, and just plain ole moral support at all times. In advance, I thank my children for giving me this opportunity to learn something about parenting and supporting young people and most importantly about trusting in their minds and not foisting our own dreams and goals on them.

And who knows! In ten years time they may probably be making more money than I ever could as an academic.